HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR CAT LIKES YOU

Cats virtually always underestimate human intelligence just as we, perhaps, underestimate theirs.
-- Roger Caras --

Why would anyone in his or her right mind care? The repulsive things are nothing but walking hairballs!
Right?
Walking around purring all of the time, rubbing up against your legs and trying to squirm into your lap!
Yes, they are downright disgusting.
As I am writing this, my hairball invasion is taking joint naps. Vociferous, the large, bull puppy kat is sleeping on the hassock. He has insisted that I place it at my side so that he can edit my writing, while Smoky, the manic puppy kitten lays on the floor not far away, twitching in his sleep as he dreams of who knows what and Caligula stalks grasshoppers in the garden.
How do you know if your cat loves you?
Well, to begin with, cats are not at all like dogs.
Dogs are incorrigible, almost retarded when it comes to expressing themselves with all of that goofy, tail wagging, slobbering, face licking, barking, jumping up and down, worshipful behavior.
Absolutely no shame at all.
Cats, when compared to dogs are almost sphinx-like in their demeanor.
One of the good things about having three cats ruling your home is you are able to observe how they treat each other. Grooming is a good case in point. Generally speaking, cats that groom each other are on friendly terms. Therefore if a cat grooms you he is telling you that he likes you loud and clear.
And please understand that I am not advocating that you groom your cat, (I hate having cat hair on my tongue.)
One of the ways Vociferous expresses his love for me is a little thing I like to call, ‘the head butt’. At times he will walk up to me, put his head down and bump gently, holding his head against me while he closes his eyes dreamily. He also does this gentle little head butt when he is lying next to me.
And by the way, if a cat seeks out your company and makes any kind of contact, it is a good sign. Cats avoid people that they don’t like.
Bumping with his head is telling you loud and clear that the cat is claiming you as his own.
Cats, when they rub their faces on you are bringing special scent glands into play and though you usually are unable to smell that subtle, sweet (to a cat) odor, it is very obvious to all members of the feline world that you are already possessed by a cat.
Again, any time a cat makes gentle contact, such as lying next to you or laying in your lap you can accept it as affection.
Be patient, not pushy. Let the cat make the advances in his time and you will have a friend for life.
Another expression of love or affection, from a cat’s point of view is when you approach and the cat flops down on his side in front of you. This is an obvious request to be petted and loved. If the pet owner responds favorably to this invitation the behavior will become standard, part of the routine. But, if the cat is ignored he will cease this most endearing gesture.
Another sign of friendship and trust is when your cat rolls onto his back and allows you to pet that most vulnerable soft spot, his tummy. This should be considered one of the greatest compliments you can receive from your feline friend because he is saying, “I trust you!” When your friend does this it might be tempting to do a little rough housing, DON’T! He will respond in like manner, with teeth and claws, and you will regret it. ‘Gentle’ is the order of the day.
Remember that your cat is essentially a wild animal.
The dog was domesticated long before the cat. Dogs were welcomed into the community as canine servants, assisting in the hunt and serving as beasts of burden while cats, opportunistic hunters that they are, found that rodents abounded in the proximity of man’s dwellings. With few exceptions, Egypt for one, the cat was little more than tolerated, in many cases being considered a harbinger of evil and a consort of witches.
Hated, maligned and misunderstood, it has really only been in the last hundred years that cats have become anything more than tolerated by the vast majority of the population in this country.
For years my attitude towards cats was less than charitable.
As a zoo director and breeder of the endangered species of the big cats, feral cats were not tolerated. They were carriers of disease, particularly feline distemper which could infect the lions, tigers, leopards and other species in my charge. Thus it was that those little feline typhoid Mary’s were usually destroyed out of hand.
I have come to believe, as hundreds of thousands of other cat lovers before me, that cats are probably one of the most loving creatures on God’s green earth.
Welcome a cat into your heart and your home and you will be the richer for it.
Have a beautiful day and may your cats teach you.

I'M TOO STRONG TO BE HYPNOTIZED

HOW TO BE YOUR CAT’S BEST FRIEND
By
Charles Towne
THE CAT'S CURMUDGEON


Smoky, the manic kitten, loves running water. Whenever I go to the bathroom he comes dashing in, looks in the toilet and squeaks, this has, understandably, improved my aim.
-- Charles Towne --



I hate katz. I can’t stand the varmints. Having declared my true feelings about them I find it quite puzzling that I have three of them living in my house. As I write this brief missive I have to lay my pen aside due to the fact that the youngest member of my feline invasion, Smoky, has insisted that it is his right to sit in my lap, on my notepad.
That is one of the reasons why I hate katz, they are so, well, catty.
He lays there for a few minutes staring into my eye’s and then decides to get real affectionate by rearing up and nuzzling my throat with his nose as he kneads my neck with his paws, purring all the while.
He does this for only one purpose, to weedle his way into my good graces. Well it ain’t going to work!
Now he is leaning on my arm as I write, his eyes watching my moving pen. He knows how I feel because he is reading everything I write.
Now he turns his head and looks into my eyes, a soft, drowsy gaze meets my own.
I hear a low voice speaking my name, “Charles", the voice says, "Charles, you are becoming sleepy, you are tired, very tired. Your eyelids are becoming heavy. You want to go to sleep, sleeep, sleeeep. When you hear my purr you will be asleep. You will do whatever I tell you to do.”
I wake up an hour later and discover that someone has filled bowls with all of the katz favorite food.
MY favorite sliced breast of turkey, MY fresh Atlantic salmon!
It should be understood that what has taken place is not, and I repeat, not, hypnosis.
I am too strong to be hypnotized.
It is very obvious that a stranger has forced his way into my house while I slept and fed the katz.
Smoky returns and wiggles his way into my lap, under my notepad. He nuzzles my arm, jumps to the floor without my permission and begins playing with his partner in crime, the alpha kat, Vociferous.
A little while later both katz are demanding attention.
One is sitting in my lap and the other is on the back of my chair with his head resting on my shoulder.
I hear a low voice.
What is that? You want me to scratch your tummy? Yes master, whatever you wish master!
Boy, do I hate katz!
Have a beautiful day and may your cat teach you.

AUTHOR STUFF

From my earliest memories I wanted to be a writer. Yes, even though those first crude attempts were discouraged by my critics I persisted. (Critics, by the way, are not nice creatures.)
Even though there were two great, almost overpowering obstacles standing in the way of my journalistic endeavors, mainly mom and dad, I persisted.
How could anyone in their right mind see my early efforts as anything less then genius? Instead of collecting those early works my parents repainted the walls and took my crayolas away from me.
As we all know authors do stuff. Some of the stuff authors do probably wouldn’t make sense to the average, non-discerning non-author but sense or not, those things are important.
One of the most important things an author can do is sharpen pencils. Yes, having a big coffee cup filled with sharp pencils reposing upon ones desk is good for the author’s mental well being.
You might think that pencils have gone out of style what with the use of word processors but in reality they are just as important today as they were… well, when they were important.
Pencils have saved more than one author from being cast upon that dreary and dreamless shore that demands that they write.
A writer, skilled in pencil sharpening, can while away many hours otherwise spent in writing, sharpening and re-sharpening until ones hours have been spent and one can escape again into relative normalcy where one can journey to ye olde pencil store and replenish the pencils he sharpened into nubbins during the last writing session.
Another thing that authors do is sign books. Have you ever heard of an author who didn’t have book signings?
At one of my recent book signings I was signing away when the manager approached me with one of those self righteous manager expressions that gives one the idea the man was sucking on a lemon.
The first thing out of the managers mouth were the words, “And just what do you think you are doing?”
I gave him my best all knowing author look and answered, “Well, as you can deduce by the pen in my hand and this huge pile of tomes, I am signing books!”
To which he replied in a somewhat haughty tone, “Bibles and Webster’s dictionary?”
That is probably something one should remember about book signings it would probably be good to sign your own books.

GIVE ME A BEAR ANY DAY

It is downright dangerous being around people these days. Compared to some people bears are very sociable folks.
I was in a hardware store the other day looking for a left handed whatsit to fix my gallyrimple and as I walked down an isle I sopped and moved aside to allow this gent to pass. And pass he did. He bulled into me, shoved me aside and half raised his cane as if to hit me as he exclaimed, "Git the hell out of my way you, go on, git!"
My first reaction was surprise, after all, he darned near knocked me down, then my surprise turned to alarm as I noticed that he was brandishing a heavy wooden walking stick!. I mean, hey, I was there to get a farfanoodle for my glammersnit not to have some rock troll club me with his shelaliegh!
Now, as you probably know I am of a somewhat sensitive and docile nature, but about the time I saw that cane lift menacingly over my noggin I reached for a three foot long piece of steel pipe that resided conveniently on a nearby rack. Woe is me, I wasn't able to utilize said steel pipe for its intended purpose because the gentleman hustled past without smiting me and as he went he was mumbling incoherent somethings about my ancestry, some of which certainly surprised me because he obviously had information about my paternal stock that I was unaware of.
In all of my years following and photographing bears I have been bluff charged, trampled, cussed at, and "run" over and threatened by them but then one might say that is what one would expect from bears. (I wanted to say 'ran' over but my wife said it should be 'run' over, but then what does she know, she wasn't there when the damned thing RAN over me! People!)
After my encounter with Mr. Knee Anderthal in the hardware store a Japanese gent walked up to me and with great concern in his voice asked, "You O.K.?" I answered to the affirmative to which he shook his head and said, "That man clazy!" I certainly had to agree with him, that man was definitely "clazy.".
Yep, you can give me a bear any day.